Throughout my life, I have encountered and even lived closely with manipulative toxic people. For many years it was a pattern for me to be intrigued by these personalities. They are confident, strong in their manners and know how to get what they want.
They are Charmers that evolve into Snakes once their grip has you stuck.
Before I became aware of their malicious tactics, I would be consumed in their world. For me, I thought I was learning confidence – observing their ways so I too could be strong with my presence. What I found out was that my confidence was being demolished. I’m a people pleaser and they take advantage of that. I was emotionally beaten to the ground. I felt useless, afraid and confused. You see, they play this game SO well – you are completely blindsided when they trap you. You question your own sanity. You lose all your confidence and are CONVINCED that you need validation from them.
Looking back I am perplexed. How could I allow this to happen? How could someone invest so much time just to cause harm for….control?
I am saddened that people develop this idea in their mind believing that inflicting fear and frustration will get them what they want….but it does! If you don’t know the signs, it is so easy to fall for their ways.
Do they do it on purpose? I don’t believe they ALL do…however, that doesn’t change the fact that people with good intentions are suffering for absolutely NO REASON.
With all the gas lighting happening in this world, it is easy for resentful people to notice how effective these tactics are. From my observation and experience – most of these people are hiding behind a past that lead them to be so cold. Often times from early childhood. That is why it is SO important to teach our children how to live a loving, humble and fulfilling lifestyle.
Now that I have experienced and researched more about the mentalities behind these personalities it is much easier to spot false intentions….But not always…. They are Charmers after all and they come in all sizes and ethnicities.
They CRAVE control. Mainly because they don’t have control in their own mind. They are suffering internally and in order to hide from that they inflict it on others. That way they are validated and don’t feel alone. Misery LOVES company.
It’s extremely hard to cut yourself off from these people ESPECIALLY when they are a close friend, a family member, or a partner you wish to grow with.
I’m literally sitting here with a lump in my throat because I know what I have to do. Even though I don’t want to accept the reality. Staying and hoping for a positive outcome is only wasting time and energy. I’m not growing, I’m fading. Insecurities are seeping from within and pouring out. I can see that my control for myself is slowly being taken away and I cannot allow that to happen (again). I’ve been in a daze but I am back. I know that happiness is waiting on the other side and I’m using the confidence I have left to jump ship. Cutting off someone you care about is probably one of the most disheartening, frustrating and saddening experience to go through…
But we are strong. We have a community and we deserve the love we so freely give away. We can and WILL rise above this.
Photographer | Kevin Jin Li
MUA | Tanya Tello
Stylist | Carol Lynn Sweets